Thoughts from Jean Vanier

Jean Vanier

Some might say that L’Arche is “a haven of peace.” In many respect this is true, as at the core of our communities there is the desire to experience authentic relationships. Experiencing a relationship takes time: time to look into someone’s eyes, to listen to others with all your heart, mind and body. True relationship transcends time, stress and movement and it goes beyond the tyranny of normalcy and things to do. Yes, L’Arche can be a haven of peace where we take the time to eat together and celebrate life. We slow down to the pace of the slowest. We walk slowly together.

All that is a marvellous ideal, but then there is the reality! There is housework, cooking, shopping, laundry, rules to follow, reports to write, a short- age of assistants, appointments with doctors and other professionals… and then the occasional fit of anger and conflicts in the home. There are visitors to welcome, neighbours to meet and of course, the ringing phone.

In her journal, Etty Hillesum talks about a night when she saw all suffering faces of the day flash through her mind, and she imagined all the horrors endured by her people. She says that one must take care not to let oneself become engulfed in anxiety, and adds that this requires training and a certain amount of discipline.

Father Thomas Philipp told the story of the Abbot of a contemplative monastery who noticed that the monks were becoming success-loving hard workers in the chores they had to do. His abbey was no longer a haven of silence and peace; it had become a beehive of monks obsessed with work. The Abbot decided that the church bell would be rung every hour. Every person had to stop, refocus and remain silent for a moment, and commune with God. To stop yourself from always being on the move and always wanting to do more, you have to accept help. Life for us is not just to succeed in our actions and be recognized for what we achieve and the power we hold. The deepest, most human joy is not in doing, but in the silence of presence and communion.

Etty Hillesum 1914-1943

Etty Hillesum writes “our sole moral obligation is to find in ourselves deep places of peace and to extend this to others until that peace radiates towards all. The more peace there is in human beings, the more there will also be in this turbulent world”. Peace is not the absence of war; it overcomes hate, fear, vengeance and contempt. It thrives in love, communion and reconciliation. Like many others at L’Arche and like those monks in the abbey, I need help to stop myself from getting into an activity that pulls me in too many directions always with things to do ("I am because I am doing something") or escaping into a dream world in order to fill my inner void. I need the bell to ring to remind me of what is essential to me: presence, relationship, someone to listen and humility towards reality; a time of communion and to stay within love. To become a haven of peace and not a beehive; to be a place of celebration where we celebrate unity and not a football game where one loses and the other wins, we must remember that the very core of all life at L’Arche is to respectfully listen to those with less than we have, to reveal their beauty and worth to others as well as to themselves, so that they may gain self-confidence.

L’Arche is not a football game but a celebration of unity where each person wins, sings and dances with others.

When TV comes to L'Arche!

Caroline

Caroline Bennett is studying for her Masters in Visual Anthropology at the local university. As part of her thesis, she is currently recording a set of interviews with members of the community on their motivations for joining and remaining in L'Arche. After her first couple of months with the community, this is what she had to say:

"I wasn't really sure what to expect when I started coming to L’Arche – how would people react to someone outside the community turning up with a camera wanting to make a film about them and the community?  Luckily everyone has been brilliant and I have been welcomed into L’Arche Kent with open arms and lovely smiles.

Sal

"The nicest thing I’ve found out about L’Arche is the appreciation that people are people no matter who you are, and that everyone is special in their own way.  I think it’s something we tend to forget, but being in L’Arche is teaching me that it is ok just to be sometimes and to appreciate the world as it is.  I have mostly spent my time at Cana House so far, and I look forward to dropping in and seeing everyone: the big hugs from Sarah, quiet assurances from Sal, updates on what’s being going on from Geoffrey and having my rings appropriately re-arranged by John before he launches into stories about his youth, and of course the opportunity to hang out with everyone else there.  I’m looking forward to seeing more of the community and getting to know the characters in other houses too. 

John

"This week I will start filming in earnest.  I hope the welcomes continue now that I am surgically attached to my camera and its equipment.  My aim is to make a film that shows L’Arche Kent as I see it: a lovely, open place to spend time, be with people and learn about life in general."

Tea and community

Laurie is an assistant in Cana house in Eythorne. Here, she reflects on the role of tea in L'Arche, community and world peace: 

"A lot can be said about a cup of tea. Since coming to England in May from Canada, I have shared more cups of tea then at any other time in my life.

I am learning a lot about the power of a cup of tea. Tea brings people together. It calms, soothes and provides comfort at the end of a day and  provides a consistent, warming start to each morning (though personally  i still need to drink at least 2 cups of coffee to get going in the morning!). When everything else seems unclear, there is a profound kind of certainty that can be found in a cup of tea. I know that no matter how many mistakes I have made in the day, no matter how tired or distracted I am, if I put a tea bag in a cup and add hot water, it will become a tasty beverage! 

Beyond the comfort and ordinariness of tea, I have also discovered that tea has magical powers. When interpersonal conflicts arise, nothing diffuses the situation like a nice cup of tea. When someone is feeling the sadness of loss, or feeling burdened by life, nothing soothes like a hot cup of tea. When I am lost for words but long to be friendly, nothing welcomes like tea. One sugar, two, perhaps even three or none at all? Milk? Cream? A bit of lemon? When someone knows how you like your cup of tea, it feels like they know you, like they understand you.

I began to feel like I was at home in Cana when I knew how to prepare the perfect cup of tea for each of my house mates: John drinks his tea with Soy milk and as much sugar as he can get, Geoffrey and Sal prefer their tea with just milk, Sarah likes honey in her peppermint tea, Gosia likes Lady Gray with a slice of lemon, green tea is Kasia's favourite and so on.

In L'Arche Kent, it is nearly guaranteed that wherever two or three are gathered, there is tea. There is something incredibly unifying in this very simple gesture. Beyond all the differences that could separate us, our cultures, our faiths, our abilities, our ages, our genders and perspectives we can all come together over a cup of tea. We don't have to drink the same cup of tea, just so long as we drink together. I am convinced that we can build friendships, find community (communi-tea!!) and journey clumsily towards peace, one cup at a time."

Laurie Carnduff
Cana house
L'Arche Kent

"These are a few of my favourite things"

One morning Peter was listening to a song in his CD player. “That’s a nice song”, I said; and he answered: “Yes. It’s my favourite”. Two days later, when the radio played a Beatles’ song, Peter said: “Oh, do you hear that? It’s my favourite song”. Often, while we are tidying the DVD cupboard, he takes one of them and exclaims: “Look! my favourite movie”. Also different dishes are for him “my favourite food”, and likewise with beer etc.

I envy that aspect of Peter’s character: most people have only one favourite song, one favourite movie, one favourite food, one favourite beer… (or else nothing classified as “favourite”); Peter has not only one “favourite” in each category, but many, many of them.

A few days before Christmas, Peter received a can of a special beer from his “Christkind” (following the Christmas tradition of giving small presents without revealing your identity). When he unwrapped it, he exclaimed: “Oh, look… I’m happy!” (and he really looked happy!).

Here, in “Rainbow House” –in L’Arche Kent– Mary (with her incredibly beautiful smile), Yvonne (full of gladness when she shows me her new coloring books), Denise (with her bursts of laughter in the dining room), Damien (dancing with joy at the moment of Holy Communion in the Sunday’s Mass) and Peter (with his vast array of favourite things), have taught me about happiness.

There have, of course, been moments of discomfort or sadness, but each one of them has also got an impressive ability for enjoying the good times with the intensity of the wise person, who is aware that the future doesn’t exist yet, and that if we are unable to be happy now, then we will never be happy.

Francisco Montoya

Rainbow House

L’Arche Kent

Simple Life

In the life of the house, there are trips and journeys which are necessary -  for example,  when assistants travel back to their home country to get a new visa or to see family. Recently, our house leader and one assistant took a holiday like this. At the same time, an assistant returning from holiday suddenly found they couldn’t get back for personal reasons and, at the same time, we had a number of new assistants who were just learning their roles. Suddenly we were short of assistants. So from one day to another we had to change all our weekly plans, the daily routines of the house, outings and everything else. We laboured harder, longer and progressively became more and more tired and exhausted. Then, we asked for help from the Community.

We just hoped for a little bit support to help with busy times in the house, but we got so many offers of help, even from assistants from other houses who didn't know our house routines. They came to help late in the evening, early in the morning, at the weekends and some stayed overnight for several nights to help us. It was amazing to feel so greatly supported - to feel and to see that the Community come alive and take so much care of us and wanted really help us was unbelievable and overwhelming.

These tricky times generated new friendships, made old friendships stronger and deeper, introduced new friends to the house and helped us learn more and more about each other. In this time, the Bible stories I’d read as a child made a new kind of sense to me - humanity and amity growing alongside each other to overcome obstacles as a true community. It felt as though God was giving us a the chance to test and prove the strength of the bonds between us. And we did a great job! So, to all who helped or cared for us, THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR YOUR GREAT SUPPORT!!

Jacqueline Tkocz
Little Ewell
L'Arche Kent

Point of view

 I remember going to Church one Sunday morning with some members of our house when I first started as an assistant. I sat next to Annie, one of our core members at church. Annie is a warm, loving lady who enjoys company though she needs quite a bit of support to stay focused on where she is and what shes doing.

I was nervous. Sometimes she isn’t aware that people are praying around her or sitting in silence and will ask many many qestions repeatedly. We’ve tried many ways to support her with this – answering her questions very clearly and simply, encouraging her to enjoy the peaceful service, explaining the importance of a prayer and the Mass for other people, but sometimes Annie doesn't understand other peoples needs when she has one. If I’m honest, I didn't want people looking at us or her when she is speaking during prayer and lacked confidence in finding good ways to encourage her to allow others to pray in silence.

I thought about different ways to help her be calm and to pray if she liked during Mass. I looked for possibilities that she could deal with herself. But I couldn't find any idea and so I hoped the best and tried to stay cool.

Annie took some of her drawing paper and a purse full of coins with her in her black small handbag. During the Mass, she showed me her paintings again and again: “look!” she said, and I said “Oh this is a nice one“. She shook her purse full of coins and smiled at me “money“ and I smiled back “you are a rich lady“. Annie asked me to help her to open and close her bag because her eyes are not the best anymore, so I closed and opened her bag again and again. During hymns we got up, sang and teetered to the right and to the left in time to the music. She laid her head on my shoulders and breathed deep for some moments. The 90 minutes passed by so quickly and at the end we went for a cup of tea in church hall, like we always do.

When I led her through the benches an older lady turned around and said to me: “You’re new? You are doing such a good job! You're a very lovely and kind person and Annie seems so gentle with you.”  I had been anxious and nervous but now felt pleased and happy that there were people who seemed to understand and accept Annie  and wished to encourage me.

5 months later, going to church with Annie is definitely one of my favourite past times, even when things don’t go quite as planned. I love spending this time with her and I’m inspired that people are able rather to see, than her disability, her ability, her warmth and her beauty.

Welcome Jacqueline!

My name is Jacqueline, I’m German and I have been a L'Arche assistant since March 2009. I live in Little Ewell, a community house in the countryside. James asked for people who want to write an article about life in L'Arche and since I read some examples he gave me, I can’t stop my mind composing new articles about this community life that I want to share with you. So I made some notes and then decided to write them down immediately before I forgot something. Every day I'm here there are more impressions of life and community that I want you to know about. The fact that I find it so easy to see meaning in my life in community tells me that I have found something in L'Arche life which is valuable and something I hope is a strength for me.

Working confidently with people with a learning disability is not a gift that everybody has, perhaps including me. But I've learned that everybody has something he or she can do as well or better than somebody else – it doesn't matter who you are or whether or not you have a learning disability, the gift is valuable and important to the people you share your life with. Whether its good and tasty cooking, good organisation or reflection, nonverbal conversation or just making funny faces – L'Arche is, as I have heard from plenty of people and have experienced myself, a place to find yourself, to loose yourself, to explore new paths, continue old ones, finding new friends and a second family, new challenges and old problems that revisit you, feeling small and growing up at the same time... but experiencing and learning from this together!

Food and faith

Eddie Gimore, Community Leader writes:

We like our food in L’Arche, and I can still remember my very first meal in Kent. It was home-made tuna pizza, eaten with a motley crew of twenty people around the big Little Ewell dining table. I enjoyed the food and also the light banter around the table. Good food shared with a fine and varied bunch of people: I knew it was the place for me. Whenever Geoffrey draws a picture for a birthday card it is always a group of people around a meal table, and I wonder what better image there is of community.
Certainly no community gathering would be complete without food, not to mention people’s favourite dishes. A few years ago there was a plan to stop having fish and chips at our monthly gatherings to save money. There was an outcry from the core members. The fish and chips were promptly reinstated!
A highlight of my winter was going up to Edinburgh with Vince for a meeting. Vince was very generously buying me drinks and crisps on the train and it was a pleasure to sit there, two old friends eating and drinking together and enjoying the lovely East coast scenery. When we arrived at The Noust in Edinburgh we were greeted with a cup of tea (where would L’Arche be without tea!) and then shared a delicious Indian takeaway with the rest of the group. It was a good meeting!
These days I don’t often eat in the L’Arche houses, but in my family we retain the L’Arche traditions. The mealtime is a key moment in the Gilmore household, and we join hands and sing grace (to the occasional embarrassment of the children if they have friends round!). The table is always set nicely and the food is always good. The company isn’t bad either! And when it is somebody’s birthday we make an extra special effort. I enjoyed preparing Yimsoon’s birthday meal not so long ago: lots of starters, the mother of all curries, and all washed down with a bottle of champagne (well, sort of, it sparkled at any rate!) We were too full for desserts so had them the next day!

As in any L’Arche house, the preparation, the serving and the sharing of the food are ways in which we communicate to people that we care for them and that they matter. And at a birthday in particular, we tell a person that they are special and valuable, and that really we all are and that life is pretty good and worth celebrating. Bon Appetit!

If a tree falls in a forest...

Question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it….

• does it make a noise?
• do the other trees point and laugh?
• does anyone care?

I was left wondering – is she? Is she quiet just because she says she is? Or is my experience of her what really counts – if people think you’re outgoing, are you outgoing, despite what you think of yourself? Are you an introvert because Myers Briggs tells you that you are? Who is your real you?

I’ve never really got to an answer to the question; neither I guess have the psychological, philosophical and theological community so I don’t feel too stupid. Isaac Newton’s third law of Motion states that ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’. Without reaction, an action can’t really be said to have occurred – the reaction almost defines that action.

Something did occur to me after my friend left. If I had lived my life on a desert island, never having met another human being, would I be shy? Would I be tall if there was no Yvonne, Da Eun or Jennie Bond around me to compare my height with? Would I be male if there was no female? Who am I – really?

Isaac Newton argues that action and reaction are inextricably linked – the one defines the other. Community life similarly offers us all, able and less able, shy and loud, tall and short, an opportunity to be, to exist, to define ourselves through our relationships, to offer a place for us to act and be.

Psalm 68 states that ‘God sets the lonely in families’; he roots the lost – all of us – in community where we can find identity and meaning.

So perhaps the conclusion of all this is that without ‘community’ or society, there is no ‘me’.

‘No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, …as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.’

John Donne, 1624.

The God of small spiders

Whilst she was in the Faith House garden, Gillian sat and watched a spider at work in his web. The spider had built a web which stretched diagonally all the way from the side of the house to a bush, six foot from the wall. The web was a single strand of cobweb and in the middle of the strand, the spider was busy building his net of cobwebs into a structure. Gillian commented: ‘How can people say there is no God?’

Whether you like spiders or not, you have to admire their ingenuity. Wherever you walk in Autumn, you see cobwebs spanning the most improbable places – I have a spider that daily builds a cobweb over the wing mirror of my car, only for the web to be blown away every day on the way to Little Ewell.

The spider’s willingness to exploit every opportunity can be good metaphor for us.

Spiders have faith and persevere: Cobwebs gather every week in the corner of your house, only to be swept away every week in your weekly clean, yet the spider returns and builds again the following week. I have never met a spider that has complained to me that the bush and the wall are too far apart. Every new web does not promise a juicy spider, but no spider ever caught his lunch without spinning a web. In the letter of Timothy (4: 5-7), Timothy writes: ‘But you…endure hardship,….fulfil your ministry. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith’.

More than this though, the spider describes a way to approach life and understand God within it. God provides the brick wall, the bush, the wing mirror, the structures that surround us. Our job, and that of the spider’s, is simply to use each one of these gifts as well as we are able, to build a life for us and our community. And in doing so, others will draw inspiration, find faith and perhaps exclaim:

‘How can people say there is no God?’